First trimester.

I always thought of myself as fairly normal. Then I got pregnant. I’ve always been a worry wart. Just not to the extreme that I am now. I’ll write it off as a side effect of my advanced maternal age. Yes that dreaded term. The one I heard before we even tried. Correction “geriatric pregnancy” was the first term she used. I’m not mad about the term itself. Cleary I’m older. I’m 35 and “at risk” for more issues. I think it’s more accepting the fact that I’m actually 35.

I’m fully aware that every birth experience is unique but I’ve heard mostly the horrible side of it.

I’ll never fully recover from seeing my sisters body destroyed giving birth to my nephew Landon. They did the suction procedure. They were only supposed to do three pulls but he did four. It was the most horrific thing I have ever seen. The hospital assured me that what I had witnessed was extremely rare. Like one in a million.

I’ll never forget witnessing the birth of Parker. He was born with a heart defect called TGA. He had a successful 6 hour open heart surgery and 4 hour stomach surgery. It was a roller coaster. You’ll see a lot spending two months in the NICU of Columbia Presbyterian. He’s almost a year now. So it all worked out.  What a blessing from above.

She suffered a loss at six months before Parker. That hits closer to home now.  Problem is, the what ifs were constantly sneaking up.

I have two very close friends who are struggling to conceive. Both trying for years. Hearing their struggles has been eye opening. My Doctor said that due to my age we should try for six months. If nothing happened we would talk about fertility treatments. After we got married I told Sean I wanted to wait until summer. First because I selfishly didn’t want to be pregnant on my honeymoon and second my work contract was up in September. Who’s to say I would get re-signed if I was going to be out with a baby. Just my feelings. I’ll dive into that in a future post. I chose to put my career first for half my life.

Once we got to Italy I was swept away with joy! Literally unending joy. We were eating, drinking, laughing, taking in history and the happiest we’ve ever been. I can’t remember a time in the past 9 years it was just the two of us for over a week. We decided ahhh why not.

About two weeks after we got back I had a funny feeling. My breasts were KILLING me. Then the tidal wave of nausea!!!!! The nausea never stopped for the entire first trimester. Sean snapped me this one afternoon when he met up with friends. He couldn’t get me up and out. I just wanted to sleep. Thank God for my loyal love Cooper.

I remember starting in July when I’d barely make it through work and go right to bed when I got home. I’d sleep from noon until the next morning. I couldn’t bare the smell of food. The only comfort I found was in bread or pancakes.

These were my saving grace. Ginger candies, preggie pops and sea-bands.

I am not someone who likes to be incapacitated. I would try to cook and burn meals. I’d forget things people told me seconds after they had. I was forgetting names on the air. Just a hot mess. I’ve heard the stories all these years but it’s different when it’s  happening to you.

I had this whole plan of how I was going to tell Sean. My dream was to rent one of those cessena planes that fly over LBI with a sign. Well that’s life, never goes according to plan.

I couldn’t hide my nausea and constantly being tired. He was away in Saratoga the last weekend in July. I went hiking with my best friend Melissa. I was now almost two weeks late. She said, “I think you need to take a test.”  So we stopped on our way home to buy a test. Got home, peed on the stick and there it was. Pregnant.

It was a Sunday, Sean was passed out and hungover.  I just couldn’t keep it in. So I tied the pregnancy test to Coop and placed him on the bed! Sean woke up confused. Took the stick and stared at it for 60 seconds. Once he figured it out he looked over with a big smile and tears in his eyes and hugged us both.

One major thing I learned! Next time I’ll choose the test that says, “Pregnant” not the one with the lines. Not man friendly!!! LOL.

When I called the doctor to make an appointment they replied, “Great we’ll see you in 8 weeks.” I was like Ummm ok can you give me some direction. What can I eat, what do I do? The nurse said they don’t see anyone until week 8 because anything can happen. It’s so surreal knowing you’re pregnant but have to wait 8 weeks to confirm with an ultra sound.

At that point we decided to tell our friends and family in person and sit back and relax. My first appointment was scheduled the week we were in LBI. I didn’t want to rush back into the city. Plus the morning sickness was still there. I ended up having my first appointment at a little over ten weeks. They took blood, tested my urine and did the first vaginal ultra sound. Seeing it for the first time was incredible. It’s little feet were rapidly kicking. The doctor and nurse said it was a big baby for ten weeks. Sean and his siblings were close to ten pounds at birth. Ohhh boy!!!

We decided that we don’t want to know the gender. When else in life can you have such a big surprise.

We found out from the blood test that the baby did not have Down syndrome. Be prepared to pay for that test. Insurance doesn’t cover it.

We also found out the laundry list of things I can’t eat. No deli meat, sushi, fish, nothing that isn’t pasteurized and low carbs!

I have given Sean strict instructions for my first meal after birth. Goat cheese on bread and an old-fashioned!!! Or maybe a Guinness. I hear it helps produce breast milk.

We decided to stroll around the city after. Sean held the ultra sound picture in his pocket all day. We didn’t say much,  just kept smiling.

Our next set of conversations were where will we live, how will we do this and OMG we’re having a baby! The way I see it we will figure it out. We always have. It’s unfortunate that our jobs are two hours apart. I’d love to make enough money for him to quit his job and start the tenure process all over again closer to the city. Thats just not an option. So for now we’ll enjoy this process and be grateful we are in the city and close to the best care in the world.

Its been an incredible journey of ups and downs to this point. Sean and I have had one hell of a ride. Things are about to change in ways we don’t even know yet. Here’s to the next chapter or trimester. Ha. Excited to share this with you all.










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