One of the best days of my life!
I know it has been a bit of time since I’ve posted anything. I’ve been mentally bogged down. To cut to the point, I’ve cried for my Dad incessantly in the past two weeks. More than I have in the five years since he passed combined. His passing was by no means peaceful. But the conversations we had leading up to it and the day he died were. I had 28 completely fulfilled years with him. I was loved in every way a daughter should be. One day when he was on hospice care, we had our father daughter dance. Not in the way I would have ever imagined. He had lost his ability to speak and move. My mom called me into their bedroom and asked me to grab his hand. As soon as I did, I heard the first few sounds from a guitar and KNEW it was our song. “My Girl” by the temptations. A song we sang together hundreds of times in the kitchen. A song we saw “The Temptations” sing live at “The Bardavon,” in Poughkeepsie. A song that I knew would be ours on my wedding day. At that moment it was as if no one was with us. Just he and I sharing that single most important moment we would ever have. I sang the words into his ear. His jaw clattered so fast. He could not speak but he was singing with me. That moment sealed the wedding father/daughter dreams for me. From the day I got engaged, he was on my mind more than ever. How could I ever get through this without him. I cried spelling his name to the priest. I cried when the caterer talked about where Mom and Dad would sit. I cried when I needed his opinion. I cried at so many things. But in one single moment yesterday my thoughts shifted.
Mom from day one was there. She surprised me with a bouquet of yellow roses at my apartment door step the day I got engaged. She has helped with every aspect. Calls me everyday with the next thing we need to do on the agenda. All the while I’ve been snapping at her, getting short with her and telling her I’m too stressed to talk about it. Yesterday she came into the city with my sister. I had a few girlfriends here for the weekend. I had one appointment at a boutique to try on wedding dresses but we stopped at a store on the way. Upon walking into the store my Mom found a dress. I barely gave it a look and told her “no way, I don’t like it.” After two hours in the store I decided to try some on. In the dressing room the woman helping me asked, “which one first?” I pointed to the one my Mom chose and said, “I guess that one, my mom likes it.” As she pulled it over my body, I looked up into the mirror and was speechless. Mom was right! This was the dress. I walked out onto the stand and my mom lost it. The girls cried. Women in the store cried. Not only was my Mom having her moment but so was I. A moment I never expected. A moment I will never forget. A moment I never knew I wanted. I had put so much attention into my Dad not being here that I hadn’t appreciated what was right in front of me. It felt so perfect and so right. I would live it over a thousand times if I could. Dad will be there every step of the way in spirit. But Mom is here and I need to turn these tears into smiles. This is our time to build our lifelong wedding memories together. These are the bigger moments of what marriage and a wedding are all about. I get it now! In a way I hadn’t before. Today I returned to the store and my Mom bought my dress! I couldn’t be happier.
Thank you, Mom!