One of the best days of my life!

I know it has been a bit of time since I’ve posted anything. I’ve been mentally bogged down. To cut to the point, I’ve cried for my Dad incessantly in the past two weeks. More than I have in the five years since he passed combined. His passing was by no means peaceful. But the conversations we had leading up to it and the day he died were. I had 28 completely fulfilled years with him. I was loved in every way a daughter should be. One day when he was on hospice care, we had our father daughter dance. Not in the way I would have ever imagined. He had lost his ability to speak and move. My mom called me into their bedroom and asked me to grab his hand. As soon as I did, I heard the first few sounds from a guitar and KNEW it was our song. “My Girl” by the temptations. A song we sang together hundreds of times in the kitchen. A song we saw “The Temptations” sing live at “The Bardavon,” in Poughkeepsie. A song that I knew would be ours on my wedding day. At that moment it was as if no one was with us. Just he and I sharing that single most important moment we would ever have. I sang the words into his ear. His jaw clattered so fast. He could not speak but he was singing with me. That moment sealed the wedding father/daughter dreams for me. From the day I got engaged, he was on my mind more than ever. How could I ever get through this without him. I cried spelling his name to the priest. I cried when the caterer talked about where Mom and Dad would sit. I cried when I needed his opinion. I cried at so many things. But in one single moment yesterday my thoughts shifted.

Mom from day one was there. She surprised me with a bouquet of yellow roses at my apartment door step the day I got engaged. She has helped with every aspect. Calls me everyday with the next thing we need to do on the agenda. All the while I’ve been snapping at her, getting short with her and telling her I’m too stressed to talk about it. Yesterday she came into the city with my sister. I had a few girlfriends here for the weekend. I had one appointment at a boutique to try on wedding dresses but we stopped at a store on the way. Upon walking into the store my Mom found a dress. I barely gave it a look and told her “no way, I don’t like it.” After two hours in the store I decided to try some on. In the dressing room the woman helping me asked, “which one first?” I pointed to the one my Mom chose and said, “I guess that one, my mom likes it.” As she pulled it over my body, I looked up into the mirror and was speechless. Mom was right! This was the dress. I walked out onto the stand and my mom lost it. The girls cried. Women in the store cried. Not only was my Mom having her moment but so was I. A moment I never expected. A moment I will never forget. A moment I never knew I wanted. I had put so much attention into my Dad not being here that I hadn’t appreciated what was right in front of me. It felt so perfect and so right. I would live it over a thousand times if I could. Dad will be there every step of the way in spirit. But Mom is here and I need to turn these tears into smiles. This is our time to build our lifelong wedding memories together. These are the bigger moments of what marriage and a wedding are all about. I get it now! In a way I hadn’t before. Today I returned to the store and my Mom bought my dress! I couldn’t be happier.


Thank you, Mom!




  1. Eileen 7 March, 2016 at 22:25 Reply

    This is so beautiful your dad sounds so special. My daughter is also getting married this year and too lost her father. He wasn’t in her life alot but still her dad and will honor him at her wedding with a picture of her and him together

  2. Bashkim Spahi 7 March, 2016 at 22:34 Reply

    I listen Every morning, Thanks for sharing Annie! Congrats!!! Well written, your dad would be proud of you.

  3. Linda 7 March, 2016 at 22:55 Reply

    I read this beautiful blog post crying. Crying for you because you lost your amazing father, crying for your mom who is there with you sharing that amazing moment with her daughter and crying for me, because I lost my mom and never had those memories with her. Cherish them! My beautiful mom died when I was 27 of breast cancer. After her surgery drs said she was clear of cancer. We cried that day. I will never for the rest of my life forget what she said to me “Linda I was so worried I wouldn’t be at your wedding and I pictured everyone crying at the wedding”. About a year later she was gone and her fear came true. But we made sure to have special moments at the wedding just for my mom. I thought I would be sad and cry the entire day but I wasnt, I knew she was there happy for me as your father will be there happy for you. God Bless.

    • annieonair 8 March, 2016 at 02:36 Reply

      Oh Linda! Reading your story made me cry. But your reaction that day was a beautiful surprise. It makes me feel better knowing it can still be a fully joyful day. I’m so sorry you lost your mom. But glad to read you felt her support from beyond. xoxo

  4. Anonymous 7 March, 2016 at 23:19 Reply

    Well I just cried reading this. Annie you are one special person to share all your emotions with us. Your dad is looking down and loving every moment of your wedding planning. I’m sure your dress is gorgeous just like you❤️❤️

  5. Ceil Ganguzza 8 March, 2016 at 00:19 Reply

    That was truly beautiful Annie. Be happy and enjoy EVERY MOMENT with your mom. Don’t ever have even a second of regret. I wish you all the best!

  6. Aninymously Anonimous 8 March, 2016 at 00:30 Reply

    I barely cry these days. I’ve gone through so much these past 5 years that I simply built immunity to tears. Still there’s so much anger built up inside me that I push people away including my own mother and sister. Your story made me tear up. We have much more in common than I thought. I am certain he will be with you on your very special day. Keep posting, Bella.

  7. Antonietta 8 March, 2016 at 00:42 Reply

    Annie your story is amazing. I knew your dad and he always talked about how much he loved his family. He always shared stories of all his trips. I was lucky enough to have my dad at my wedding, but my little girl will not. My husband, her dad passed away 22 months ago which was 8 months after her 16th birthday. I am so grateful they danced to their song “butterfly kisses” at her sweet 16 party. Remember all the great memories and remember your angel will be with you. You are so right about making new memories with mom. Wishing you the best…

    • annieonair 8 March, 2016 at 02:28 Reply

      Antonietta I am so truly sorry for your loss. She will cherish that dance for ever. And thank you for sharing those sweet sentiments about my Dad. Hugs to you. xoxoxoxoxo

  8. Aida 8 March, 2016 at 03:14 Reply

    Annie this was beautiful I lost my dad 6 years ago and my mom a year ago I was fortunate to have them both at my wedding but miss them so much!! Your dad willbe with you every step of the way! Enjoy your mom they can be annoying and nag but trust me you are truly lucky to have her I wish my mom was still here with me 😞
    Love listening to you every morning I got married in October too !!

    • annieonair 10 March, 2016 at 11:42 Reply

      Hi Aida, I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for reading. I really appreciate it. Congrats on your wedding. We’re getting married in October too. Hoping the weather is good, since we’re doing it outside. xoxo

  9. Jackie 9 March, 2016 at 20:43 Reply

    That was so beautiful…thank you for sharing. Wishing you a beautiful and blessed wedding day.Both Mom and Dad will be with you♡♡♡♡

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